Is that your baby?

No one wants to admit that they may have an ugly baby. Why would they? To do so would be an open admission that their genes are shit or their partner is some kind of latent mutant, covertly spreading their vile DNA using you as an accomplice.

Either way, you end looking bad. Bad genes or mutant wife? Which one is it? It's gotta be one of the other.

But sometimes people try and work around having an ugly baby, and Halloween is the perfect time of year to try and pull this off.

364 days out of the year, there's no way to draw attention away from your ugly baby. You can put an ugly little girl in a cute little dress or an ugly baby boy in an adorable baseball jersey featuring the Cookie Monster at home plate, but all people are gonna see are nice clothes going to waste on a lumpy turd that can gurgle, wave it's misbegotten hands about and spoil a perfectly good diaper.

But at Halloween? Why, that's the night that ugly babies get a free pass. On Halloween, people's hearts soften to the plight of the ugly baby. Maybe because they're accustomed to seeing ghouls, zombies and hobgoblins, or maybe it's because the ugly baby compliments the unholy day so well.

Halloween is the one day a year that the parents of ugly babies can breathe a sigh of relief, sit back and pretend that their child isn't a morlock that would be better served by being raised by mole people in the sewers beneath the cities of man. They can take their misfits and parade them around the normal looking children without fear of persecution or ridicule (because that's what they deserve). Halloween is the one day that ugly babies, and even ugly children, can walk in the light with pride...

Unless they're ugly AND retarded. Then keep them locked in the basement where they belong.