Superman

For most people Superman is and will always be Christopher Reeve. That's the way it is for me at least. There was just something about the way he wore the "S" that made him the man of steel.

But...

Superman was around a LONG time before Reeve put on the cape and boots, and I have to admit, he ain't as noble as Richard Donner made him out to be.

Sunday evening, I bought, for $10, Showcase Presents: Superman, a collection of some of the best Superman comics from the late 1950s and early 1960s in all their glory.

In those days, Superman was still as heroic as they came. He saved Lois from giant robots, and aliens. He made sure Jimmy Olson didn't screw up too much, and he was very adept at saving the world. In fact, such a good hero was he, that in one issue, men from the 50th century come back just to tell him how cool he was.

However, Superman back in the day had the disposition of a vindictive 12-year-old.

Don't believe me? Ask Toto.

Toto was a chimpanzee. Not just any chimpanzee, no Toto could do all kinds of great things like count and manage money. Superman first met Toto at a charity event.

The event was set up like a talent show, with Superman on stage wowing the crowd with the way he could make diamonds out of coal just by squeezing them. The crowd is pretty wowed, but still, this is Superman. They kind of expect this kind of shit from him.

But a chimpanzee that can do mathematics? That's a show. Toto gets on stage and quickly becomes the star of the event. Superman gets a little jealous.

Well, maybe more than a little jealous. In fact, he recommends to the owner of Toto that he let the Army shoot the little ape into space. In front of an army general.

Of course, the general thinks this is a grand idea, and sure enough, THE VERY NEXT MORNING, Toto is strapped into a rocket. But there's hope for Toto. As the countdown comes to zero, the mission control gang realizes that there's been a malfunction. The rocket will not take off. Toto is spared being rocketed into space.

Until Superman shows up and basically says "bullshit" and manually hurls to rocket into outer space, malfunctioning engines be damned.

The story goes on a little ways from there. Toto comes back all irradiated, and now a giant. Which works out for Superman, because now he can actually lay hands on the chimp and not catch Hell for it.

There are more stories like this, and even one where Superman is the butt of a practical joke performed by none other than Batman. Superman doesn't really take it well, and ends up actually pulling off his own practical joke, one where he convinces Batman that they're both going to die (part of Superman’s joke was causing a cave-in at the Fortress of Solitude that “traps” him and Batman in a confined space with large chunk of, unbeknownst to Batman, fake kryptonite). Batman makes right with God, resigns himself to his fate and tells Superman what an honor it was knowing him and fighting crime beside him. Superman can't take it anymore, has a good laugh and makes fun of Batman for actually believing him.

Think about that. Superman gives Batman shit for trusting him. Superman. If there is one person on the planet you should be able to trust, Superman should be number one on that list. That's like your parents telling you that you're adopted, only to berate you after you've had a good cry for not being able to take a joke.

There are all kinds of other stuff like this, but you don't need to spend $10 to see it. Look for yourself at superdickery.com.